This happens to me all the time.

"Thanks subconcious"

From: http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/

Tears on my pillow

This is a great illustration of many of my dream-full nights.

From Garfield Minus Garfield

Just pretend John Arbuckle is me!

Celestial Body Image

I woke from a disturbing dream last night that left me too anxious to go back to sleep.

There I was, joyfully wedding a good friend of mine. She and I mingled happily amongst our loved ones.

We looked great and so in love!

Then when the crowd dwindled and the DJ played "Happy Trails" the maks was lifted from our union.

Turns out my friend turned wife was disgusted with my very person!

"You are so fat and gross, I do not even want to touch you!"


Then she said: "You are greasy and gooey!"


And: "Who could ever be attracted to someTHING like you?"


I was crushed and confused. Here I thought we were in love. And big is beautiful! The Cass Eliot episode of Scooby Doo is my favorite!


I woke up from the dream utterly frantic. I shook my poor husband awake and begged him to confirm that I was beautiful and attractive and sexy.

I even went so far as to ask him to list my attractive qualities!

Nothing like being woken up at 4am to validate your love to your wife.

Poor guy. He is so patient with me.

And HE loves me.

And I like boys anyway (sorry girls!).

Meow!

My husband said that last night I was talking in my sleep...and our cat was talking back to me!



Not our cat, but "Hello!"!

Maybe all this time I have been a cat whisperer and did not even know it!


Or maybe Ginger just wanted me out of "her" bed!

He hears the secrets that I keep

My husband informed me this weekend that I create an indescribable noises deep in the night.

He awoke at an hour when we are both normally out cold (maybe 8am?) and he found me speaking in a foreign tongue as I slept.


He said it was a combination of the English language dialect of "gibberish" and common snoring.

I suppose it sounded like the low octave rumbling of analog AM radio seeking?


I suggested that we set a recording device one night and try to decipher it the next day.

Maybe we could play it backwards and hear Led Zeppelin or something?

Attention, erm, seeker?

I thought my post below regarding my dream life as a phone sex operator would spark huge hits to the blog. Sex sells, right??

Wrong!

As you can see in Table 1, blog hits are holding steady at more than zero and far less than some!

I just had to say that I am impressed.

Way to go humanity! Thanks for helping me feel better about you!

Racking up the feedback

The other night I dreamt that I was a phone sex operator(?) who was stacked like Dolly Parton.

Apparently in my dreams the phone sex operators fit the part! Unlike in reality:

Anyway.....

I was in a heated competition with my colleagues to get in the most calls in one day.


The problem was that my client, [cough], were so pleased with my, um, services that they wasted time thanking me and gracing me with praises:



Despite my customer satisfaction rates, I was fired from my job.

Check out more of these cartoons!

Go figure.

I wake knowing that in my dreams I am good at phone sex, so I've got that going for me....


Or not:

And he thinks I don't know what he does at "work"

My husband came home late last night, hours after I had fallen asleep.

He came to bed, stirred me, and I rolled over and said "Hi honey, did you finish the robot?"

Civic Duty

Last night I dreamt that I was traveling to work via a tour boat not unlike the one I boarded to tour the Thames.

If only this is how I got to work each day!

When I reached port I took a short cut path through some brush, the road less traveled.


My choice did make all the difference because just off the path I saw an unidentified but out of place piece of junk:


I suppose since it was Arbor Day, I picked up this piece of junk and took it to work.

At work a mish mosh of past and present co-workers from my real life all let me know that the government was looking for that piece of junk. Turns out it was a vital missile prototype that could cause great danger.

Leave it to the government to develop a missile that rouses giant gorillas!

It also turned out that the government was offering a $5,000 reward for the thing! All right!


Now comes the anxiety point in the dream: All I wanted to do was get down to the government and turn in the missile junk to get my cash money, but I had too much work to do. All my co-workers kept bugging me and piling things up on my desk, things like:

Stacks of paper

Dirty dishes

Gifts that needed wrapping

And piles of babies

Just another day at the office getting in the way of my government pay out!

Turning Japanese

I watched the Japanese anime film Paprika the other day.

It is all about a machine that is invented to enable psychotherapists to record and watch their patient's dreams.

Of course the device gets into the wrong hands and all dream hell breaks loose. The main characters have some crazy and layered dreams, complete with parades, scary clowns, creepy dolls, dead relatives and giant robots.

And I thought I had bad!

The animation is incredible and the soundtrack is gorgeous. The plot is, well, it is what it is and that is all I have to say about that..I guess this is not exactly my genre to review!

Caught in the jam

Last night I dreamt that I knowingly commited a crime that is thankfully not rampant in reality:

I ate a giant piece of toast covered in raspberry jam that was holding up the fence behind a local pizza shop.

The toast I ate did not have eyes or limbs.

And I was caught raspberry handed by a police officer.


I turned myself in, but by the time I got to the officer he was asleep.


I guess I am on the lam now. On the lam and off the jam.

Too much Atwood?

I have recently finished read A Handmaid's Tale for my book club.


It is a book all about religious extremists taking over an denying rights to women and many others. Women are no longer allowed to hold property or read or um, talk!!!

I would have totally been killed if I were forbidden to talk!

I had TWO high stress dreams last night that played off the themes in the book.

It turned out that my husband and I were no longer considered married in the eyes of the government because the religious right took hold. Turns out that marriages that did not take place in a church were no longer legally recognized. We were not supposed to talk with each other, could not be alone together and could not live together.

I was distraught. And angry!

He is my partner and my heart, even if a religious rep did not lay a hand of approval on us.

The dreams involved a lot of us sneaking around, hiding, lying, and crying. I mean, Todd really misses me when I am not around!

Poor guy.

In one of the dreams I went to the wedding shower of a friend.

I had been invited as a "Miss", but Todd was there too. An old friend who I lost on bad terms was there too, and so was my high school boyfriend...who was wear a lot of makeup:

He was always sort creepy...

Anyway, the really great part was the GIFTS!

She received a set of clarinets:


A pink baby cradle with a giant stuffed bear:

A "Last will and testament" prepared by a fancy lawyer:



A deed to a grocery store:

One of the better logos of all time, that creepy owl says "I DARE you to shop here!".
As a child I did not even accept that it was an owl, I just knew it was scary.

And, oh wait, I mentioned the clarinets!!

These are the things every bride needs.

Let's get physical, physical!

The big pitfall of being denied quality sleep is being tired most of the time. All of the time.



And I tend to yawn all the time too, which I think can appear to be rude at times- not to mention the whole contagious yawn thing.

I seriously yawn on the elliptical machine at the gym. That is just silly.


I mean, look at this thing, my instinct is to run away screaming, exert sleepiness.

My first sleep doctor told me I should exercise more to help my sleep. Good advice I suppose, but I do not think he meant to sleep at the gym.